It is hard to remember it after all these years. I vaguely recall lining up along one of the corridors of my primary school building. The school had a mid-20th century architecture, with the present classrooms opened in 1964 in Kuala Lumpur. It had two symmetrical yellowish cream-colored long buildings running parallel and facing each other, with an open grass compound in the middle where little students would chase each other whenever the tropical sun was kind.
It was late morning I think, just after the 10AM recess. I may have made that up. But let us just say it was a bright sunny day because I do not remember it rained.
The school must have had 300-500 pupils aged from 7 to 12 years old. I do not know how old I was, but about a hundred were queuing up that day. My cohort was there to get our vaccination and health check-up. Was it BCG? I am unsure. Maybe.
What I remember best was the feeling I had while waiting. This line had no queue-jumper: everybody was scared. Some cried their hearts out and had to be consoled with an ice-cream cone or some candy. I did not cry despite my heart pounding, and I did not flee despite wanting to.
It did not help that the government of the day was running an anti-drugs campaign. The now-demolished old Pudu Jail had a long mural, purportedly the longest in the world along its walls for any would-be offender to see. The wall had images for drug abuses and its consequences painted in dark colors. Coloring contests were held about the evils of najis dadah. TV was telling us drugs were bad. Jangan hisap dadah. I want to hear that in Samy Vellu’s voice.
All that had the needle as a symbol of drug abuse and that symbol was strongly etched into my young mind.
On that day, I was confused. Why does my school want use a needle on me?
I was scared.
The queue had to end somewhere. It was not a wait forever. I did not look at it when the needle pierced through my skin, with a chemical concoction injected on my left arm. People told me it was like an ant bite. Either they were lying, or their ant was a huge killer-insect.
That is my memory when it come to injection. I may have grown up, but every time I have to face the needle for whatever reason, a little part of me shrinks in fear. “Please doctor, please, not the needle,” my little inner voice would shriek silently.
In this mismanaged pandemic, Malaysia is beginning to vaccinate our population seriously after a slow start. I had my first dose a week ago, and the line was a long one. My mind hovered around my old memory of vaccination and wondered if it still hurt while I was lining up.
I had several injections since that BCG vaccination. Funnily enough, I cannot recall any of them. My mind must have blotted them out. It must be traumatic.
As the line snaked into the main vaccination hall, I thought to myself, “antivax people are really antivax because they have a horrible injection experience. They have never grown out of it. ‘Never again,’ they said!”
I tried getting my mind off it by reading a book. But Hussin Mutalib’s Islam and Ethnicity in Malay Politics is not a titillating read. Interesting, but it is an academic work. Besides, it was hard to concentrate in the hall. Workers and volunteers were shouting out instruction, and people were talking to each other.
Eventually I found myself in a carrel where the vaccine would be administered. The vaccinator showed me the vaccine. There was a minor controversy just a day earlier where a person proved that he got less vaccine than he should. It should have been 0.5ml and no less.
The rumor machine went on an overdrive, suggesting somebody was purposefully giving less either to profit off it, or that supply was running out. Either way, for a program bedeviled by problems, the episode widened the trust deficit this government suffered, and this government suffers a deficit much bigger than the Najib administration.
I appreciated that the vaccinator showed me the volume, and I knew I should watch the whole procedure to ensure I got the whole 0.5ml.
But I did not.
I shut my eyes, trying not to think my BCG experience 20-30 years ago.
“All done. You’re good to go,” she said.
“Oh?”
