Author: Hafiz Noor Shams

As mentioned before, I’m placing my money on UMNO to win the December 6 Pengkalan Pasir by-election. However, here’s a list of 10 ways to force odd to favor PAS. In the list:

#10. Bribe UMNO candidate. Doubt it will work? Hey, Isa Samad hasn’t been dragged to court of law yet despite his proven corruption. Instead, he’s been merely admonished by UMNO disciplinary board and suspended for a few years. Proof that most people in UMNO, even those in the high up, doesn’t mind corruption. What about Badawi’s anti-corruption drive you say? Hell, we have – given the situation, had – a tak nak rokok campaign but the Dewan Rakyat mocks it by promising players in the cigarette industry greater reward. What? Bribery is sinful you PAS people say? I somehow remember a logging concession in Kelantan. Or was it Terengganu?

#9. Send in thugs to convince voters to pick PAS. Tell all those people, tick the moon or we’ll break your bones. Of course, no bone will break and snap. It’s all merely intimidation. Macam tak biasa pulak.

#8. Declare, or rather re-declare a fatwa that implores that a vote for PAS is a ticket to heaven and a vote for UMNO is a ticket to somewhere too hot to handle. I still sometimes wonder how the hell does this work but hey, you’ll never know what makes a rightist nut ticks.

#7. Assert that Nik Aziz is more religious than Badawi and assert that Islam PAS is Islam while Islam Hadhari is bs. (caveat emptor – if the word u-turn sounds familiar, don’t attempt this. I repeat, do not attempt this.)

#6. Invite Ibrahim Ali into PAS and let him run as PAS candidate. Ibrahim Ali dreams of a chance to screw UMNO. So, given that PAS hardcores will be voting for whoever that sucks up on PAS, Ibrahim Ali’s vote will at least bring in extra precious numbers, particularly some of former UMNO’s votes. UMNO would be furious if this happen, I tell you.

#5. Or better yet, invite Mawi into PAS and let him run as PAS candidate. With Mawi, I’m sure PAS will secure all female voters’ vote. People has been talking about the Mawi factor as an asset. Hell, a good political entity would internalize that asset. Add that with PAS wackos, UMNO will be caught with defeat and disbelief.

#4. Say Buck the Fuckeyes! Well, they might not get enough votes but if I could vote in Pengkalan Pasir, I’d goddamn vote for them if they say out loud Buck the Fuckeyes. Anybody that wanna kick Buckeyes’ nut is my friend.

#3. Actually do something with the state economy and maybe even clean up that state capital of trash a bit. Declaring the state capital as an Islamic city won’t do a jack. Given how Kota Bahru looks (I haven’t been to KB for perhaps 11 years but doubt there is any change, except the name for Pantai Cinta Berahi…), it makes people smirk at the hilarity and indirectly insult Islam.

#2. Pray to god and do nothing.

And number one is, drumroll please….

#1. Pack up and leave for Pattani. PAS won’t get Pengkalan Pasir but at least they’ll win in Pattani.

Frankly however, my skepticism for PAS and my previous statement of I-don’t-care-who-will-win notwithstanding, I hope PAS will win. A PAS win may indicate that there’s some hope for a stronger opposition in the next general election. Malaysia desperately needs more dissenting voices in the Dewan Rakyat to undo the rubberstamping trend in the Parliament.

p/s – Wow. I didn’t know a Malaysian was nominated for Nobel Prize for literature. (via)