Categories
ASEAN Humor

[604] Of Malaysian imperialism… err… federalism: Singapore

We have Brunei, the whole Sumatra island and a couple of southern Thai states incorporated into Malaysian Federation. Thus, only a piece of land remains – Singapore, Singapura in Malay or Temasek as it was known in not-so-ancient time.

We’ll start with a re-invitation into the Federation. The Lee royal family – hey, Singapore is run by the Lees – will most likely reject the offer. Upon rejection, we’ll move swiftly to plan B.

Plan B is the Kra Canal. We’ll cut through the Kra isthmus just for the sake of annoying the people living on an island drinking you know what. Of course, Malaysian ports will suffer what Singaporean port will do – decline of ships calling for port. However, we’ll have new port at Kra. That new port will be the new Singapore. So, Malaysia can afford to see Klang and other ports to slowly degrade into relatively unimportance. Singapore, unfortunately, cannot. Their economy will suffer a large dent or two as Singapore loses its entrepot status.

Nevertheless, Singaporeans are resourceful people. I can personally guarantee you that. As such, I’m sure they will think of something to rejuvenate their disturbed economy. I’ve read somewhere that they are going into biotechology. Furthermore, they have a strong tertiary institutions. That itself may make Singapore into a world-class learning center, based on kiasuism.

Regardless, after the opening of Kra Canal, the Federation should offer its gate to Singapore once again. This time, the Federation has truly the upper hand. If they refuse, then there is only one option left – plan C. That’s invasion.

This war will be the war to end all wars. It will be the finale of Mahathir versus Lee Kuan Yew, UMNO versus PAP, Xia Xue versus ShaolinTiger (or not); you name it. It’s the event that we all have been waiting for since 1965. It’s Bolehland versus Kiasuland, round nth!

So, assuming Brunei ascends into Malaysia, along with annexation of Sumatra and several southern Malay Thai states’ decision to join the Federation, before Singapore:

Assuming Malaysian victory, entirely dependent on our boleh spirit:

Somehow, this map doesn’t give the satisfaction of occupying Singapore. I wonder why?

Maybe it’s not worth running over Singapore. I mean, you can’t even see that island on the map. Maybe, we should go for a larger prize.

Australia is fun!

Categories
Humor Sports

[603] Of NYT’s wrong, Ashes’ weirdos and soccer time

I found out that the New York Times is placing part of my favorite section, the Op-Ed, under paid subscription, the TimesSelect. No fun. Not sure how many sections will fall under this TimesSelect scheme but we’ll see soon enough. I do hope however that this won’t be a reason for me to stop reading NYT. (via)

And a lot of people in England are jumping wildly. Australians on the other hand are sulking and all this is because of a game called cricket.

Yeah. Really. I wish I’m making this up but unfortunately, not. It’s true. Cross my heart. May somebody up in the sky strike me is a bolt of lighting right now if I’m lying.

I’m still alive. Really. I’m still here.

Now, let’s talk about real sport.

Ajax will be up against Sparta Prague in its first Champions League 2005/06 season match. And screw Arsenal. Hup Ajax hup!

Nope. No lightning yet.

p/s – Bush: One of the worst disasters to hit the U.S.. Heh. (via)

pp/s – blackout in LA. It’s Bush’s fault! =p

Categories
ASEAN Humor

[602] Of Malaysian imperialism… err… federalism: Pattani

In recent past, separatist movements in southern Thailand are becoming active again after being dormant for decades. Despite this being Thailand’s internal matter, unfortunately, Malaysia has been unnecessarily dragged into the chaos. Along the way, Thailand has been accusing Malaysia of aiding and fuelling the rebellion. Malaysia denies such allegation. Personally, I’m tired of seeing Malaysia becoming Thai authority’s scapegoat. Now, it’s time to make a stand in a true Pat Robertson’s style – if they think we’re covertly aiding the Malay Thai separatists, we ought to go ahead and do it.

Malaysia is not foreign to covert operations. During confrontation with Indonesia back in the 1960s, Malaysia along with its Commonwealth allies managed to stimulate a coup d’tat in against Sukarno and the communist in Jakarta. That in effect ended the Malaysia-Indonesia war. Another proof of Malaysia’s ability is Mindanao rebels. Malaysian subterfuge activities in southern Philippines were retaliatory in nature. It was done to counter the Philippines’ effort to plant separatist ideas in Sabah despite the north Borneo states’ decision to join the Federation. Several decades later, we can clearly see how the Philippines is still trying to contain the rebels while Sabah remains as a member of the Federation. The expertise gained in previous missions could be utilized to throw these Malay Thai rebels a party.

Malaysia doesn’t need to explicitly send troops to Thailand to aid the separatists. It’s sufficed to force Thailand to conduct a plebiscite via the United Nations – self-ruled or continuation of Thai sovereignty – just like how East Timor gained its independence from Indonesia. The Malay Thai states that should be offered the option are Yala, Pattani and Narathiwat.

Maybe even Satun. We could return the province back to Kedah or merge it with Perlis. All three modern provinces were part of the Malay Sultanate of Pattani, closely related to Malaysian states of Kedah and Kelantan. In short, this is a great way to undo the Anglo-Siamese Treaty of 1909.

If the Malay Thai states ever decide for self-rule, years later after things have quieted down, Malaysia could offer these states places in the Federation. So, before; given Brunei’s ascension into Malaysia along with a successful annexation of Sumatra:

After the inclusion of southern Malay Thai states:

Heh, imagine what kind of new national flag we would have. Messy.

Oh boy, I’d imagine PAS would rule supreme in northern Malaysia. On second thought, we should first get all PAS members into ISA and then get to work with Malaysia imperialism. Did I say imperialism? I meant federalism.

This way, we don’t have to worry too much about those Islamists.

Maybe, just maybe, for the sake of screwing up Singapore with a new Kra Canal:

Next: Natuna islands are ours! Huzzah! (maybe Singapore too)

erratum – Natuna is part of Riau. At least, politically. So, I’d assume annexation of Sumatra would include Natuna. w00t! More black gold to be misused!

Categories
Politics & government

[601] Of Sept 11 dedication

Four years ago, around this time, I woke up and was getting ready for chemistry class. On my way, vividly in my mind, I saw something so incredible that I was in a mode of disbelief. I saw tears falling down most strangers’ cheek in the land of the free and home of the brave. I suspect, none of them realized that they were crying – I know I didn’t. And for a tiniest moment then, I had thought I was an American.

But of course, Bush and his neo-con friends made me say much later, thank heavens I’m not an American.

Nevertheless, this post is dedicated to those of whom I saw cried on that day.

p/s – UK is overrated. Go to the US instead. (pst, Go Blue)

Categories
Activism Sports

[600] Of Malaysia Forum in Malaysia

Hah! Finally!

I’ve always thought it’s amusing that there is no Malaysia Forum in Malaysia while there are Malaysia Forums in Stanford, LA, Boston, NY etc. Finally, somebody close to MF is proposing an informal meetup in Malaysia in the near future.

I’ve been to MF at Stanford last May and had the pleasure of meeting some good people there. So, I’ll look forward to MF in Malaysia, or Kuala Lumpur.

Stay tuned for unofficial updates as I scoop my own mailbox.

But if you want to learn more about MF, http://smf.stanford.edu/ should be a good start.

p/s – hail to the Federation. It’s the 60th anniversary of Kuching’s liberation from the Japanese.

Alright, there is no Malaysia 60 years ago but Sarawak is in fact a member of the Federation. And I’m still no nationalist. I just love history.

pp/s – oh fuck (excuse my French). At least Iowa and Ohio State also lost. That should give Michigan some cushion. Whatever it is, I’m now 1 – 1. Heh, so is Michigan ironically.

ppp/s – at least, (I’ve been using too many at least) Ajax won 2 – 0 against Willem II Tilburg.