Categories
Personal

[19] Of it’s just a photograph

It feels so good to be home. Seeing Ann Arbor for the first time after more than two weeks really makes me appreciate the town even more. The best thing is that I can go out of any enclosed area without any thick clothing. Ahhh, I love Ann Arbor.

Finally, my new computer will be arriving next week. A computer with Athlon XP 1.5 processor, GeForce 2 MX 400, 40 Gigs, 256, a 5 ways speaker…plus, a connection with the speed of an institutional ethernet. Now, I can seriously plan for my conquest of the virtual world. Beware, it’s whether you with me or against me. If you are against, better get your insurance coverage fast. Before I conquered world wide web, here is something for you to light up.

Just now, I thought I lost something. I was mad for a moment and almost cried. I don’t know why I am so attached to that particular thing. Maybe it’s too precious to me. After I lost all hope of finding it, I just sat on my bed, staring at the floor, trying madly to remember where did I put it. My vision started to blur, my eyes were getting watery.
A voice inside of my head starting to call me names, hating me for losing a photograph.
I can’t believe how a photograph can affect me so badly. It’s just a piece of paper.

At that one moment, I felt like dying but suddenly, I reached a book to ease up my mind. Upon opening up the book, the photograph fell to the floor slowly as any paper would. I picked it up and quickly recognized it as the photograph I thought I had lost. Of all the places, it was in the book. Maybe one of my friends had browsed though my album and accidentally put that particular photograph inside the book. Yes, I do remember two of my friends visited me. I cursed them quietly inside of my head. My heart was overfilled with joy and all the sudden, my day had been turned into a normal day again.

Thinking it back, I don’t even know why I was so upset today. It’s just a photograph.

Categories
Personal Travels

[15] Of waking up in Minneapolis

I woke from a satisfying slumber at nine in the morning at Madison after a long journey from Minneapolis. As I regained consciousness, I found my friend’s place as quiet as a library. I struggled to open my two weak eyelids, trying to stay awake. The eyes couldn’t be stimulated by the lights of sweet morning; my iris was trying to adjust its radius, adjusting itself quickly to allow the retina to receive the right amount of light. The muscles felt so refreshed but still, it was expectedly weak.

I tried to get up from the comfortable airbed but all the fight against slumber looked useless but yet I succeeded. I stood up, seeing blurred images, still trying to pull out my consciousness from somewhere in this world. I opened the room door and saw two of my friends sleeping in the living room. I know they were exhausted from the travel. The journey is not over yet however. In front of us, in the time dimension that is irreversible, lays more than 24 hours of drive. I wandered around a little bit. I couldn’t find my other friend. Perhaps he’s out. Nothing else to do, I returned back to bed that I’d slept on and sat on it. The pillow looked so tempting but I must continue my fight to stay wake. I stood up again and sat on a chair in front of a computer desk. I keyed in a few commands into the computer and made Winamp to play a long list of mp3s.

Heaven, it’s so comfortable here. It is making me to not wanting to travel. I just want to stay here and just rest. Back in Minneapolis, before I closed the car door, there was a small voice inside my head saying “Hafiz, don’t go. I know you’d like it here. Just stay here. Let them go and suffer the exhaustion…” I didn’t succumb that voice as I know I was the one that said in Ann Arbor in the first place “I must get out from here for at least for awhile”. Thus, I pulled the car door and say “Alright, let’s go”.

Now, here in Madison for the second time, I really don’t want to go into that Ford Taurus and head straight to Indiana. The journey would seem to take forever. The journey will make me entangled into uneasiness. A scenario change from a cozy padded chair to the ever-moving seat in a vehicle makes me feel unpleasant. After a blink of the eyes, my mind went though time, remembering vividly some time in the past, the virtual confession I’ve made inside a sleep. I am a conservative. I am. No matter how much I hate to label myself with that, I can’t lie to myself.

Maybe, that’s why I hate changes so much. I’ve tried so many a time trying to prevent changes but too often, my acts were useless. Some changes can’t be stopped. A person just can’t force the world to move aside with brute forces. A person just can’t push the Great Wall with both of his hands. Even Sir Isaac Newton declared that there is no work done by that action. Knowing this, why I’m still swimming against the current? Again, I know the answer.

I’m just scared of life. I’m afraid of the consequences. I can’t blame myself for that. My life is shaped by experience. I learned from experience, much like everybody else who is trying to achieve a better life. However, I’m different. While trying to reach a better life, I’m trying to hold everything else as constants so that I can just focus in one main direction. It’s a hard thing and I even starting to think that what I’m doing is a vain act. Life is so hard but here I am; better off from millions of others. Yet, here I am, complaining, hating changes. Why I hate it so much?

Unfamiliarity, uneasiness, instability, ignorance, incapability, dissatisfaction. I’m afraid all of those words. There are more but in a way or another, it has the same negative meanings.

Yet, as I traveled on the interstate freeway, my surroundings were painted with the clean white snow; the skies were the unimaginable elvish blue. It was a beautiful sight. And it was caused by a change. A scenario change from the metropolis of Minneapolis to the countryside of Madison. Maybe, this is the reason why I must endure changes, for better or for worse.

Categories
Personal

[11] Of I love Ann Abor

Hockey again…

Malaysia 0 – 1 South Africa.

So near yet so far… All we need was another pathetic point but we ended up with the fraze of beating up India and losing to both Argentina and South Africa the spoilers. Just like Ohio State. The Wolverines almost for certain will get the Rose Bowl for the Big Ten but there must be a spoiler. Sigh…Life is harsh. For the Citrus Bowl, we are against Tennessee. Louisiana, which was expect to meet us in the Citrus Bowl will be up against Illinois in the Sugar Bowl. Louisiana upsetted somebody else. Another spoiler in the SEC.

On other note, I accidentally created a link to somebody else’s site. I’m still looking which line in the source code to be deleted in order to not let my visitors being forced to visit some unrelated sites. Maybe it’s because of the new tracker’s code that I’ve added to my code. Maybe I should try to find another free tracker.

I bought a bus ticket to Minneapolis today. It cost me about USD 143. I could have bought it online but instead, I decided that I needed the walking exercise. So, I walked for the Michigan Union to East Huron. Nice. As I walked through the city, I finally realize how beautiful Ann Arbor is. Before this, I thought Ann Arbor is beautiful just because of the greens in the North Campus and the romantic buildings in the Central Campus. Today, I found out why Ann Arbor is called Ann Arbor. The Main St. is marvelous, I would say it is comparable to Madison’s State St. Of course Ann Arbor don’t have the Capitol replica on a hill like Madison does but still, the mere sight of the heart of Ann Arbor is breathtaking.

It’s a hidden beauty.

I’m starting to fall in love with the town. I would hate the day when I’ll graduate from this University. No wonder my uncle don’t want to come back to Malaysia. No wonder he chooses to live in Ann Arbor. No wonder people have been saying that Ann Arbor is the best place for many to do their college year. You can go to M.I.T. or even Princeton but you’ll find that only Michigan and a few others offer the intellectual atmosphere to its apex, with a life. M.I.T. doesn’t have a stadium but Michigan does. Princeton has many Noble Prize winners but so does Michigan.

Plus, the city is not too minute and not too monstrous. It’s just nice. I love it here.

Categories
Personal

[9] Of kiddie-script caught

Hmmm… Nice…

Domain Name uiuc.edu ? (Educational)
IP Address 130.126.188.# (Various Registries)
Language Setting English
Operating System Unknown Unknown
Browser Netscape 3.01
Mozilla/3.01 (compatible;)

Time Zone UTC-6:00
CST – Central Standard Time
CDT – Central Daylight Saving Time
Visitor’s Time Dec 12 2001 2:30:20 am

There’s actually no privacy… The Big Brothers are watching you…

Categories
Personal

[7] Of pseudo-insomnia

God… Have you all ever played the Civilization game series?

For you whom haven’t visited Earth yet, Civilization series is a game, one of the most famous turn-based strategy games. It’s was first developed by Sid Meier at Microprose. That particular game revolutionized the way gamers play games. It revolutionized the entire gaming world. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Well, it did set a new standard for the turn-based strategy game. I had played both Civ. I and Civ.II. I played those two games like it was my life. I can remember which technology needs to be found first, I know what kind of a system suits a government at a particular time and I memorized each and every unit rating point.

The year of 2001 mark another great year for Civ. game series. It is the year when Civilization 3 is released. And after a few weeks it was released, I finally have gotten my dirty hand on that game. I played it non-stop from 0400 till 0730. HAHAHAHAHAHA And my final is next week. I’m done for. Sigh…

Oooo… Ghost in the Shell’s main theme, Reincarnation is on. Adam, if you are reading this, I love that anime. Thanks for letting me watch that anime on your laptop.

I have to sleep. My biological clock is running amok. When will all this is going to end? Insomnia…pseudo-insomnia?

Starship Troopers, sucks…

Ten more days to The Lord of the Rings. Eleven more days to freedom. Twenty two more days to 2002. Over five more months to Star Wars Episode II : Attack of the Clones.
I must admit, the name sounds kind of absurd. At least Amidala looks as beautiful as ever…still, that Korean girl in my Econ101 lecture is so beautiful. She is magnificent. Her hair…her face, she so cute…I know her name…heheheh…Leena. Maybe I should take Econ 102 just to see her again for next semester. Naughty me.

One ring to rule them all…

A time of love, a time of hate, a time of war, a time of peace, a time you may embrace, a time to rephrase from embracing…

To everything turn, turn, turn, there is a season turn, turn, turn…

There is time for every purpose under heaven…

I called Tody last night just to find out what are we going to do exactly in the snow in Minnesota. He said that we are going to do some snow boarding in Indiana and spend our new in Chicago. Nice. New year eve in Chicago.

Suddenly, I am feeling so nostalgic. I remembering everything that I have felt back in Shah Alam. A lot had happened back there, more than I could cope up with. Everything was fast for me. I’m not talking academically. It’s just life. Life. Hmm..I can still remember that Ajim kept saying life sucks in class. Hmm…forget it. It’s the past. All that is important to me right now is the present and the future. Right?

Hey, the Russian Red Army Choir is nice. It is the current Russian Federation’s national anthem. Thanks to Vladimir Putin.

Alarm clock. Don’t you hate it?

Yeah, c’mon Jebai!!! Five more hours and you’ll be the guy that has stay awaken for 24 hours. C’mon, you can do it.

I hate the world but I love the world.