Category: Personal

I was on my way to the Engineering Campus late in the evening. All I could think of was how relieve am I to be done with almost everything for the week save the upcoming test tomorrow. How fortunate was I to complete a discrete math assignment in just within seven short hours. The assignment was due at Wednesday’s midnight and I had more than an hour to spare. Delighted to know time, for this one time had decided to be my friend, I took the leisure to walk to the Natural Science Museum. I need to take a bus ride there but I simply didn’t care whether the bus would leave me or not. I was trying to savor the hour without letting even a single second slipped from my senses. I let the cold air into my lung and felt so thankful to God to let me breathe the sweet air. I just walked slowly and tried to appreciate the sweetness of the clean air.

Once I reached the bus stop, I saw the bus was about to leave. Nevertheless, I did not mind and simply walked toward the bus without much haste. Fortunately for me, the bus driver was kind enough to wait for me. I got onto the bus and to my delight, I saw Vinay in the bus. I had a little chat with him until I need to get off the bus.

Afterward, I submitted the dreaded assignment and walked back to the edge of the Media Union for the bus again. I stood there and surveyed my surrounding. I saw how beautiful the North Campus is at night. It reminds of the Perdana Lake Garden back in Kuala Lumpur. My eyes still enjoying the scenery until my eyes noticed an angel. I observed her for a fraction of a second until I broke the contact.

The bus came. I went into the bus. So did her.

I sat somewhere in the middle of the bus and she was standing near the driver. I wonder why she didn’t take a sit while the bus was simply empty. Perhaps she was going to get off the bus somewhere nearby. That was what I said to myself. And it proved to be true later.

While on the bus, I could not stop looking at her.

She had a fair skin.

A pleasantly bluish colored snowcap covered her blonde hair with a comforting dark brown scarf dangled around her neck. She wore a jean with a blue overcoat. She would be all in blue except for her cotton hand glove, which was purple in color.

Her face looked sad, or maybe even angry. Yes, she more or less looked angry. Nevertheless, even with a raging hatred, she was stunningly beautiful beyond words.

She rang the bell and the bus stopped to allow her to get off. My eyes followed her outside. Later, she was gone, for good. I on the other hand, was still in the bus, moved by her beauty.

I think I will take a break from writing about the future for this entry. The Future series demands me to spend more time than I had planned to invest earlier.

After all my life, I have finally realized that the thing that had kept me going on was the phrase “life goes on”.

Whenever something bad happens, I will regret it but at the same time, I will tell myself to go on and forget about unfortunate event that had befallen me. My inner voice will always say too bad Hafiz. It is your fault but there is no point of blaming, is there? Learn from it and live on. Hope for the better for life goes on.

That was the only thing that had given me hope to live on. Hope for the best. Yet, it seems that hope is something forsaken. On everything that went against my favor, I went through it and hope for a brighter future – nevertheless, when I went through it, immediately after that, the situation took another turn, for the worse. How could it be? How could it be when you said life goes on, life seems to take a worse twist?

Yes, life goes on but must it always be for the worse? Aye, perhaps always is too tough a word but from my perspective, the word always appears to be an underestimation.
A person somewhere in war torn part of Africa, where famine is everlasting, is it possible to hope, to see into the future and say tomorrow is going to be better? How is that possible when now, right at the very moment, that person is dying from hunger, lying on his back while his face faces the scorching UV? Is it possible to say life goes on when at the very moment, when it seems that life is non-existence in the very next minute?

Just a few days ago, I found a better phrase to hang on to. Concentrate on the moment. Yes, hope for the best but hope is nothing when you just hope and dream. What makes hope possible is the moment that you are facing now, at the present, at the very second of your existence; not the past neither the things that will be. When a person is dying from hunger, he (I refuse to use “she”, I am a chauvinist and yes, chauvinism still exist well into the 21st century. At least I am not an extremist. I think that feminism movement should be banned but let us not steer into that water just yet. And oh, I am a little bit racist but let put that aside) needs to concentrate on the moment, find the precious water to live on, not yelling silently to himself I am going to die nor I am going to live through this. If he says he is going to die, then he will not try to search for water. If he believes that he is going to survive, he will depend too much on blind hope.

All he needs to do is concentrate on the moment. He may die but at least he concentrated on the moment and did his best to survive.

Aye, life goes on but like what Yoda said, concentrates on the moment.

I am having a terrible headache now and I have an exam on Thursday. I am worry about the exam but I need to concentrate on the moment. I need to sleep to let the headache pass through me. I need to concentrate on the pain rather than the exam first.

Good night, and pray for my future.

Having a website is starting to demand too much of me. With each moment, I feel that I don’t even have the time to do anything other than doing my assigned programming project, math homework, lab report and computer-based homework. Every minute, I will be thinking of homework. Everyday, I do not think I even have the time to sleep and leave the worldly problem behind for a while.

Even if I sleep, I will not find bliss.

Perhaps, the only bliss that I could find is when death is upon me. Till then, my life is not mine to dictate but for time to wish and have.

Fall is here at last but I found it colder than last year. Everyday seems to start cloudily; rain seems to be omnipresent but yet, when the sun ray managed to cut through the dark clouds, the world suddenly changes from a dull place to a more vibrant environment. Breeze will be blown; trees will shed its leaves. The sound of the branches swaying makes me feel that I am free without any trouble to be really thought of. It really helps me to be calm.

Leaves will fall while to wind tries to bend the trees to its command. The trees will stand but the leaves will gracefully return to mother earth. To be in the middle of that situation could only be a blessing from God.

Once, I was at the Engineering Campus, on my way to a programming class. After a lunch eaten alone, I was walking down a street with nobody around; not even a car to pollute the pure air. There was nothing but birds singing merrily to one another, perhaps praising the beauty of the world. At that moment, unexpectedly, the sound of the birds singing was overwhelmed by a strong wind, a degree stronger than a breeze, blowing hard from a direction that I can’t recall accurately. The trees swayed but with hundreds of trees stand together, the breeze failed to fail the branches to its will. Nevertheless, the leaves fell and thus, my wonderment of why this particular season is called fall was again re-answered.
I stopped walking and savored the one moment all by myself. I just stood there, looked up to the huge blue sky and felt the sweetness of the wind. I had all it to myself. All, it was all mine alone.

That one time reminded me of the bliss that I have always searched. I have found it again and within minutes, I lost it and forever will be searching for it again. I know that I will find it again at another time but when, only God could answer that.

The wind stopped from blowing and the song started all over again. I was still standing there, clueless and found my mind emptied for a short moment. Things started to reenter my mind and everything was clear again. Everything.

ifstream inFile; inFile.open(“*.dat”); for(.) CV = Q, V = IR, the integration of electric field describes…

I sighed and walked toward my destination. Sigh…

What would I ask if I had only one wish?

What would I ask?

An eternal life? No. An eternal life will demand so much that I’d later wish that I had never even thought of it.

All of the world riches?

Maybe but money does not really provide happiness to the master of the rich. A rich man will have his worries later. He would wish that he had a simpler life, later.

What would I ask?

I could only ask for one thing.

I would only ask for one thing.

It is time, all of the time in the world; all of it to my own leisure.

I want the power to stop time. I want the gift of turning back time. I want the ability to see into the future. I want the strength over the time stream.

Time has never been my ally. All of the time, always, it searches for chances to strike me down, no matter hard I tried. I tried to be resilient but even the grandest mountain will bow to time. Who am I but a Human?
But what if I could control this foe of mine?

What would I do?

If I had the power to control time, I will stop it indefinitely. I will let it flows only when I desire it. Never once, I will make sure, never will it slips from my grip and be turned against me. Never, ever.

“A wishful thinking…”
– Prof. John Patrick Hayes,
Rm 1500, EECS Building, Michigan.