…One night, he was alone. The temperature outside was freezing but there was neither snow nor tiny droplets of water falling down from the sky. Cold it was, the blowing wind made the situation worse. A beggar would have begged for a shelter, nobody could bear standing at the mercy of the cold wind. The wind blew stronger, showing no sign of stopping. It just blew and blew. Even the huge trees bent under the power of the strong, heartless wind.
The sky was dark. Of course it is dark, he said to himself. It’s in the middle of the night. It was ten pass two and it was definitely dark. The only illumination was the light from the street lamp posts. All other lights were off as tired people trying to find peace within their sleep. He walked slowly, enjoying the wind, enjoying the bliss of the darkness all alone. He walked slowly, he stopped and thought of something, he looked back and saw his room was bright. Damn, he scolded himself silently. You forgot to switch off the light. I’m sorry. It won’t happen next time. He heard himself apologizing. Ignoring his principles at least for a while, he walked off, forgetting on purpose the light.
For some reason, he loved the strong wind. The wind was blowing against his face. His ears heard the wind whispering. His thick hair was simply exposed to the wind. The wind hurt his eyes but he ignored the pain in exchange for love for the wind. He felt the painful coldness in his face but he ignored the pain for the bliss. He needed the bliss. For a very long time, he had never felt anything like this. Even when he was in love, he had never been so peaceful with himself. He just continued walking but he didn’t realize that he was walking. He eyes were wide open but he saw nothing. The vision that he was seeing didn’t reach his mind as it was. All that he saw were black and white, just enough for him to distinguish between safety and danger. In his mind, there was nothing but nothingness. It was a pure bliss. He was at peace. It was cold but yet he didn’t feel anything uncomfortable.
He could have stayed in bed but he couldn’t. He was lacking the sleep that he needed but somehow, the need to sleep had been suppressed. He can’t sleep. He refused to sleep. He needed all the time he could muster. He was tired but he couldn’t rest. He needed somebody but he virtually an anti-social. He hates almost everybody. He even hates himself. You’re stupid. He heard a voice inside his head. I am stupid. He echoed the words he heard. You could have done everything right but everything that could go wrong went wrong. I’m sorry. I tried. That’s not good enough. I’ll do better next time. It’s too late.
No it’s not. There time for everything, I can prove myself. No you can’t. You’re a failure.
No, I’m not. No I am not. He had an argument with himself. He was talking with himself, as usual. He always talks to himself. Everyday, he had a close companion to talk to. It was his only true friend. It was sincere, never a hypocrite like others. It helped him to go on. It helped him to choose life over death but now it was blaming him for everything.
He was too tired to be angered. He saw a wooden bench and decided to lay down to reduce the burden his vertebra was suffering. Do you see the moon? Yes, what about it? It’s beautiful isn’t. Yes. Look at that star. I’ve forgotten its name. Rigel? No. Vega? What the heck let it go. We don’t need to know its name in order to enjoy its beauty. True, he said. True. He just laid down on the bench, falling half asleep. It was cold but he was not alone. You’ll never leave me, won’t you? No. I won’t. Why do you ask? I’m scared of facing the world all alone. It’s a harsh world for me. Don’t worry; they won’t hurt you as long as I’m with you. He smiled. He knew that those words hold no water. He knew that his friend will be leaving him soon enough. You are my best friend. He smiled. And you’re mine. I’m lying to you. He said quietly, letting his other half heard nothing of it. I’m alone in this world and I will kill you, sooner or later. Sooner or later…