Categories
ASEAN Humor

[685] Of Malaysian imperialism… err… federalism: ASEAN

Ever wonder why an ASEAN Charter is being cooked up only 38 years after the formation of ASEAN? Ever wonder why it was Mahathir, Malaysian former prime minister, that first gave serious consideration to a formation of loose East Asian trade confederation? Ever wonder why all these are happenning only when Malaysia holds ASEAN’s chair?

There’s only one answer: it’s Malaysian imperialism gone wild!

I don’t know about you but I feel Malaysia is personally responsible in bringing Southeast Asian together. Don’t believe me?

Remember before 1963, when there was Malaya? And then suddenly, there was Malaysia. Indonesia and the Philippines protested. Indonesia went further down the road and declared hostility against Malaysia. At the same thing, there was Malphilindo – a precursor of ASEAN – that main purpose was to cool down the mercury. Malphilindo was a smokescreen to ensure Malaysian survival – nothing else. Malphilindo failed but so did Indonesian hostility against Malaysia. Then, it was ASEAN.

Scholars believe that ASEAN at first was formed to counter communist insurgency which was rampant in Vietnam. Don’t believe those scholars. They were paid by Malaysian agents to further the cause of Malaysian imperialism. ASEAN is formed primarily to guarantee Malaysia’s dominance of Southeast Asian politics.

That’s why when Singapore outdid us in economic development, we were furious and hold grunges against the people down south. We were also disappointed that Brunei turned down an offer to join the Malaysian Federation in 1963. And we funded the rebels in Mindanao when the Philippines tried to encourage separatist movement in Sabah. All these challenged Malaysian ambition.

After our failure to expand Malaysian dominance to Singapore and Brunei, we started to realize that federation is not the answer to ensure Malaysian superiority over Southeast Asia. We found three other more effective ways to expand our frontiers.

First was economic cooperation. Ever wonder the percentage of lands owned by Malaysian corporations in Indonesian Sumatra? Ever wonder why Malaysia, instead had joint-exploration agreement in the disputed areas in the Gulf of Thailand with Thailand? In spite of the gulf is actually named after Thailand? Got you thinking, didn’t I?

Second, claiming more areas and bringing them up to International Court of Justice. ICJ is a Malaysian puppet. The Americans know this and that’s why they refuse to submit to the ICJ. Remember Sipadan and the other island? Does Pulau Batu Putih ring a bell? Ever wonder why Malaysia refuses to give up Tanjung Pagar to Singapore despite the fact that it’s in Singapore? How about Ambalat? Spratly?

Third, funding of rebels. Mindanao, Aceh, southern Thailand. You think Malaysia doesn’t have a hand on it? Isn’t it a bit suspicious that all these provinces are located near Malaysian borders?

Unfortunately, the three methods take years, decade and perhaps centuries to realize Malaysian imperialism.

Hence, come the ultimate strategy, which is political and economic integration of Southeast Asia. Here is where ASEAN and the charter come into play. An ASEAN charter sets to pave a way to a more integrated Southeast Asian communitee. C’mon. Think.

Furthermore, when Myanmar gets into trouble, who is always there first? Malaysia. At the current WTO negoatiation, who represents ASEAN’s interest? Malaysia. Some others too. Despite Malaysia has merely 24 million citizens while Thailand, Indonesia and the Philippines have more than 60 million people each – Indonesia has more than 200 million people! -, how on do you explain Malaysian dominance in ASEAN? How could 24 million people control half a billion people in Southeast Asia?

Malaysian hands are the invisible hands within ASEAN. In reality, ASEAN is just another name for Persekutuan Malaysia Raya – Greater Malaysian Federation. The name isn’t Greater Malaysian Federation because we don’t want to alarm those in the other member states. From the look of it, it’s working sublimely.

Previously, I had proposed ascension of Brunei, annexation of Sumatra, invitation to several troubled Malay Thai states and reintegration of Singapore into the Union. This was the situation:

Mohd Hafiz Noor Shams. Some rights reserved

In reality, Malaysia really is:

Mohd Hafiz Noor Shams. Some rights reserved

LOL! Watch out Australia!

Categories
ASEAN Economics

[681] Of India’s deal is no FTA

India must be dreaming. It wants a free trade treaty with ASEAN but at the same time wants too many stuff excluded from the FTA. What was India thinking? Did they think they can bully us into it?

I’m glad to know that ASEAN, represented by Malaysian trade minister, gives India a solid no today. I think India hasn’t realized that ASEAN doesn’t take shit.

No FTA is better than one-sided FTA. ASEAN deserves a better deal.

Categories
ASEAN Sports

[675] Of SEA Games: Thailand versus the Philippines

The current SEA Games has been rather entertaining so far. Diplomatically-wise, that is. Recently, Thai Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra, accused that the host, the Philippines of being biased in officiating the regional biennial game. And it doesn’t end there: Thaksin plans to raise the issue at the upcoming ASEAN meeting in Kuala Lumpur.

Me – WTF?

But anyway, the Filipino President Gloria Arroyo then ordered an investigation into the allegation. The investigation, concluded 24 hours later revealed no unfair officiating has occurred.

Yes – the Philippines is accused of cheating and the Philippines conducted the investigation and the Philippines cleared themselves up. I suppose “conflict of interest” is an unheard concept. Not that I’m accussing of anything but still, it’s fishy.

However, that’s not the best part. The best thing is that some Filipinos conducted a protest – yes, a real protest – in front of the Thai embassy in Manila over Thaksin’s remark. Soon afterwards, Filipino legislators are demanding apology from Thaksin.

Folks, cool down. Take a deep breathe and think. It’s just a game. Stop acting like kids.

I mean, look at Malaysia. Vietnam cheated Malaysia but Malaysians aren’t over the top about it. At most, the Malaysian delegates lodged an official, in game, protest. What happens in a game stays in that game. Be a sportman.

Hell, look at how Malaysians deal with real diplomatic issues – while Indonesians were willing to go up in arms against Malaysia over Ambalat not too long ago, Malaysians just took it easy. Have a cup of teh tarik. Chill out. Oh, you want to ganyang Malaysia? Mari, mari. No need to gaduh-gaduhlah.

Point is, relax. Even Malaysia and Singapore aren’t at each other throat, yet. If Malaysia and Singapore don’t plan to get into a little squabbling, then nobody should be. Please, there’s no need to outdo us.

Nevertheless, Thaksin does make a bad diplomat. Still, he brought up a legitimate concern. The Philippines needs to be more professional in hosting the Games. Already, several other countries are having some misgiving about this edition of the Games. Rigging your own election might be your internal matter but the SEA Games doesn’t quite fall into that category.

Categories
ASEAN Environment Sports

[666] Of three cheers for de Jong and Ajax!

Early in the season, pundits predicted Group B of the 2005/06 Champions League would see both Arsenal and Ajax heading to the next stage. Pundits almost got it wrong went Thun overperformed and Sparta was giving Ajax a run on their money. Today however, they are vindicated. Both Arsenal and Ajax are both group champion and runnerup respectively.

I was sleeping when the match started and I dreamt that Ajax was losing 3-1 to Sparta. What a nightmare! I woke up in the middle of the night only to sleep again and dreamt Ajax lost 3-2 instead. Two nightmares in a row and I had to resist temptation to boot up my home computer and check on the score. But my sleep was what I need. Sleep.

Finally, when it was morning and the sun was up and smiling, ESPN greeted me with the sweetest news to start a Wednesday – Nigel de Jong scored two goals and made sure an Ajax win.

So, three cheers for de Jong.

Hup, hup, hooray!
Hup, hup, hooray!
Hup, hup, hooray!

Three cheers for Ajax.

Yip, yip, hooray!
Yip, yip, hooray!
Yip, yip, hooray!

Group D currently has the most interesting scenario – with one game left, anybody could qualify. You guys know which team I hope won’t make it.*

*devilish smile

p/s – Not quite sure if this is a good news or a bad news to Malaysia.

U.S. Restores Military Ties With Indonesia

By CHRIS BRUMMITT, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 1 minute ago

JAKARTA, Indonesia – The United States has lifted an arms embargo against Indonesia, ending a six-year ban on military aid to the world’s most populous Muslim nation imposed due to human rights concerns.

The Bush administration has long argued that isolating Indonesia, which has been hit by several bombings by al-Qaida linked terrorists in recent years, was not in Washington’s strategic interests.

Oh well, there goes Ambalat.

pp/s – now we’re talking. A report from The Star on possible changes on Malaysian Wildlife Protection Act:

Under the Wildlife Protection Act 76/72, a poacher faces a maximum fine of RM15,000 or five years jail.

Sazmi also said the ministry was in the final stages of revamping the existing law and replacing it with the Wildlife Protection and Conservation Act.

Under the new Act, poachers would face mandatory jail sentences of up to 10 years and fines of up to 30 times the current amount.

Sweet.

Categories
ASEAN Conflict & disaster

[637] Of ASEAN and foreign powers

While I was scouring the internet for the latest development on a possible new bridge to link Malaysia and Singapore together, I came across an Asia Times’ article that touches on India’s ambition in the Andaman Sea. I find the article a tad disturbing and it changes my perspective towards Malaysian and ASEAN’s defense and security. This might be a knee-jerk reaction but it convinces me of the need for Malaysia and ASEAN to strengthen its military forces.

The article highlights Indian motivation of establishing a major naval base near the Andaman Sea, a body of water located at the northern mouth of Strait of Malacca. Among the main reasons for such move are increasing Chinese influence in Myanmar, piracy in Straits of Malacca and trade. Concurrently, these three factors more or less concern ASEAN and Malaysia.

The author of the article states that China is controlling several ports in Myanmar and Chinese influence in the Andaman Sea is extraordinary considering the area is actually part of the Indian Ocean instead of the Pacific. Slowly, it seems that Myanmar is becoming a Chinse forward base. This is even more so when China and Myanmar agree to have better land links between themselves. This grants China access to the Indian Ocean.

In event of a confrontation between People’s Republic of China and Republic of China, the conflict might even affect Malaysia and ASEAN disproportionately badly. This is because if the conflict escalates to a stage that includes more than one large power, trade might be severely affected since China will be able to flex its muscle in both the South China Sea and the Andaman Sea. Both seas are important gateways to ASEAN.

Even if the fear of China controlling both seas is unfounded, piracy and the threat of terrorism by themselves should be enough to convince Malaysia to have a stronger military. Already Malaysia and Indonesia have been criticized for security lax in the Strait of Malacca and this has attracted eyes towards the region. Other than the United States that has been rebuffed by both Malaysia and Indonesia, India too is quietly observing the situation in the strait. The article further states that it seems that the US has given its “tacit approval of India’s assertion of naval control over the Andaman Sea”. All these might be steps taken to implicitly tackle piracy and terrorism.

If piracy and terrorism are indeed the case for the renewed militaristic attention on Southeast Asia, it would be wise for Malaysia and its neighbors to quickly build up their naval prowess. Stronger naval capabilities may bring about greater security and less piracy. More importantly, it would take away a reason for foreign military attention on Southeast Asia.

A Malaysian military buildup might invoke a Southeast Asian arms race. The last time such a thing seriously happened was back in the 1990s when Malaysia added a fleet of jet fighters and frigates under its command. If I remember correctly, Indonesia, Singapore and Thailand themselves found themselves in the sedated fray.

In my opinion, an arms race might be the one thing ASEAN needs right now. An arms race will bring a net benefit to ASEAN members by discouraging any foreign power from exercising excessive influence on ASEAN borders.