August 19th, 2005 by Hafiz Noor Shams
Ah, I can already smell the artificial tuft of the Big House. I can feel excitement in the air. I can hear roars from everywhere and see hot chicks with no bras. I crave for blood, especially Buckeyes’.
If you haven’t gotten a clue yet, it will be the football season all over again baby! Just two more weeks! Another season to abuse one’s voice box.
(Greatest apology to soccer. I love soccer but after four years at Michigan, I fell for this no good American game. So, if you have to wives, you’ll need to differentiate it. So, soccer is soccer and football is football, unless it’s football)
First on Michigan’s list is Northern Illinois on September 3. This one should be easy, especially when it’s at home. Michigan should be able to apply excessive firepower against a minor team. A walk in the park.
Then, it’s the Fighting Irish, Notre Dame. Notre Dame has always been a pain in the ass for Michigan. You’ll never know what they are up to. However, this time around Notre Dame will be fighting in Ann Arbor. It’s time for revenge and Notre Dame, and any other teams including Michigan for that matter, seems to have trouble playing away game. So, I bet Michigan will win this one. A bit of struggle but a win nonetheless.
Third game, Eastern Michigan. A big win. ‘Nuff said.
After an easy match, the next game will be Michigan’s first away game and it’s against the Badgers. Last year, Wisconsin was a really scary shit. This rodent kicked what was then a steamrolling Purdue and was up there trying to wrestle the Big Ten championship all by itself. Hell, this team raped Ohio State! They were a real contender, until they met Michigan State and Iowa. However, report has it that Wisconsin is a demoralized team. However, knowing how bad Michigan could be in an away game, this might get ugly. In any way however, I think Michigan will be alright, though not unscathed.
Having a week to recuperate, then, it’s Minnesota. I don’t know about you but after two years in a row of excessively sweeter than sweet about-to-lose-but-somehow-we-made-it-in-the-fourth-quarter’s, I’m looking at another about-to-lose-but-somehow-we-made-it-in-the-fourth-quarter game. If not, the golden gophers will be ravaged mercilessly.
After Minnesota, it will be the Nittany Lion. It’s terrible to see Paterno in a really bad shape. But seeing Paterno in a really bad shape is what will keep Michigan rolling on with much effort. I know, a person like Paterno deserves more respect than I’m apparently showing here but c’mon. Give it a break. No. In fact, take a hike. Please.
Two whipping boys are fun to play with. But happy time is over because Iowa is anything but easy. Iowa shared the Big Ten throne last year with Michigan and this time, they will definitely want to take the crown as their own. There is no reason to think that Iowa will not be able to go for the kill. Even more when this battle will be fought in the Hawkeyes’ nest. Verdict? Our first loss.
But worry not. Northwestern – the only school in the Big Ten that can say “N U” after being given an “F U” with an innocent face (really. I was there when it happened last year. It was hilarious) – should give the Wolverines something to forget Iowa. Definitely another win for Michigan.
With Northwestern done, it will be Indiana. By this time, it should be 9 – 1. This Indiana game should be a booster before the mother of all games.
At the end, it will be the biggest rivalry in college football. It’s Ohio State versus Michigan. It’s the mother of all games year after year after year. After year. I don’t know what will happen here and I don’t dare predict the score. Regardless, Michigan will be playing in Ann Arbor instead at some smelly place. Nevertheless, I dare say one thing – there will be a riot in Columbus.