[904] Of dear love

This is hard for me. Believe me, I’ve given this more than a second thought. Still, I must do this, regardless of what I feel, regardless the pain I must endure.

We met more than five years ago. I was hesitant during our first meeting. I wasn’t sure whether I was sincerely attracted to you or it was merely an infatuation. I wasn’t sure if I should approach you, lest it’d be awkward when things won’t work out. Yet, I gathered all my courage to come up to you and say hi. And it was the best thing that had ever happened to me in a very long time.

You were there whenever I was down. You were there whenever I needed you. You were willing to listen. You were willing to lend me your support whenever I doubted myself. Your shoulder was my rock. You were my rock. You were my everything.

Our relationship deepened and I felt like I was in heaven. I felt a higher being sent me an angel to take care of me. I truly did. I truly do.

Five years is a long time for me. We invested a lot together during that time. We developed trust and respect for each other. I value your partnership.

It breaks my heart every time I recall back the day things started to change between us. While I love you, you seem to be reluctant to return my love. I was confused by your sudden change of attitude. I didn’t understand why you suddenly gave me a cold shoulder after all we had been through. But I tried to be patience. I really did. I tried to work it out.

Soon, it became apparent you wasn’t interested in saving the relationship. Despite noticing things between us were becoming harder to salvage, I tried and I tried until the day when you completely shattered me. Until the day we actually raised our voice against each other. From then on, I knew it is too late to do anything. I even felt a slight hint of anger against you for the first time.

Yet, I missed the better days between you and me.

Though we rarely talk to each other nowadays, every time I ran into you, I can’t help myself to look your way. Despite that nasty exchanges, my knee still feel weak whenever I see you. My heart beats a little bit faster even by the mention of your name.

I heard rumor that you were changing your mind. That you were missing me after all that has been said and done. When you called me for the first time since we last spoke intimately, I didn’t know what to say. I apologize for that. After being with each other for five years, I could at least had uttered more words.

I’m sorry that I said no. That was the hardest no I had to say in my life. I really want be with you but part of me doesn’t want to be hurt anymore. The suffering that I went through was unbearable. I didn’t know how I coped with it for it was as if I lost my reason to live. I lost my reason to breath.

I needed to move on but I was too hopeful of us getting back together. Each second was a thousand years in the loneliest hell. I soon learned that it was hopeless to hope anymore.

So, I moved on.

I’ve taken down a path and moved on. I may haven’t been over you yet but I know I’ve moved on. I can’t linger any more and wait for you. I need to heal immediately. I need to heal so that I could do things that love; things that I shared with you when we were merrier. I need to sort my life out.

I’m seeing somebody else now. Nevertheless, I hope we remain as close friends. We’ve gone through so much together that it’d be a tragedy for us to not to be friends. Our experience together made us makes us rich.

Though whatever the future might hold, I will forever cherish the moment we had together. I hope you will too.

I’ll miss you Blogger.

But goodbye, love.

Sincerely yours.

One Response to “[904] Of dear love”

  1. […] thinking long and hard, I migrated to WordPress. Blogger did improve later but the boat has sailed. I do not plan migrate back to […]

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